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"The softest, most pliable thing in the world," teaches Lao Tzu in the Tao Te Ching, " runs roughshod over the firmest thing in the world." Lao Tzu was talking about the tremendous power of water to attack the hardest of rocks, He was talking about the ultimate power of softness. Expanding the analogy, he says, "One who is good in battle doesn't get angry; one who is good at defeating the enemy doesn't engage him."
A child's caress, a simple smile or a kind and understanding word can do more to create positive change than any amount of force. In our book YOUR SEVEN ENERGY CENTERS, we talk about softness as a receptive mode where unnatural, forceful human actions and reactions give way to the natural movement of the heart. Softness is a nurturing, giving attitude that does not take offense. Softness is the opposite of brittleness, rigidity or resistance. Brittle things can break, but softness is flexible and can bend. As a wise commentator once said, "BLESSED ARE THE FLEXIBLE, FOR THEY SHALL NOT BE BENT OUT OF SHAPE."
We explained that this is the principle behind martial arts T'ai Chi Ch'uan. These arts are based on cultivating inner strength and developing softness that will triumph over the use of external, musculsr force. The body appears to be soft and gentle externally but has a great concentration of internal power.
The twentieth-century T'ai Chi Ch'uan master Cheng Man-ch'ing taught that true mastery and energy come from softness not hardness, flexibility not force. Wolf Lowenthal, who published the master's teaching, says he taught that gentleness, sensitivity and compassion are the secret to mastering the martial arts.
"A person compensates for internal weakness by becoming aggressive and defensive," he said, but "hard energy blocks the flow of ch'i [our engrgy or life-force]; it is a disjointed expression of a fraction of our potential strength." Soft engergy, on the other hand, is consistent with ch'i and does not block its flow. For example, the power of an arrow comes from the elasticity, softness and alivenes of the bow and string, taught the master. "It is a paradox," he said, "THAT REAL SOFTNESS CAN ONLY COME FROM STRENGTH."
Renowned trial lawyer Gerry Spence gives an example of this in his book HOW TO ARGUE AND WIN EVERY TIME in a section on winning WITHOUT arguing. He says he learned this precept from his wife after they first returned from their honeymoon. He wanted to show his new wife that he was in charge and was setting his own ground rules. So he purposely went out for a cup of coffee with a friend after work and did not come home for dinner on time. He was especially sensitive to this because this had been a source of contention in a previous relationship.
When he finally arrived home, over an hour late, his new wife greeted him with a big kiss and a smile. Without complaint, she said she had eaten already but had kept his dinner warm in the oven. He was shocked that she was not angry with him.
He tried the same thing again the next night, thinking maybe this was all an act. Again, his wife treated him in the same loving way, even though he never apologized for being late. When he asked her if she wasn't even a little mad, she told him that she was certain he had been busy at the office and that full grown men didn't need someone telling them when to come home to supper.
"She won our first argument without arguing," says Spence, "and I have never since intentionally been late for supper in all of the years we've been married....Trust begets trust, and I became trustworthy. I learned again that night what I had learned so many times before and forgotten as often--THAT DEMONSTRATIONS OF LOVE, whether in the kitchen, the bedroom, or the courtroom, are the MOST POWERFUL OF All ARGUMENTS." The above text was taken from the book; ALCHEMY OF THE HEART-How to Give and Receive More Love by Elizabeth Clare Prophet and Patricia R. Spadaro pages 152-155 ISBN 0-922729-60-3.
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