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Last Post 01/28/2010 12:14 AM by Maria

The third component in the NVC model: NEED

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Posts:13

01/14/2010 9:57 PM
For a few years I try to make NVC part of my conscious language skills. Marshall Rosenberg uses the word ‘need’ as the third component in his NVC model; he also alerts his students that the word ‘need’ is for many people closely connected with the state of being ‘needy’ (not being worthy of having a need fulfilled). I have to admit that I was reluctant to eliminate the word 'need' in my vocabulary when I started to read the teachings by Robert Stevens. ‘Something’ changed in my consciousness when I was studying Robert’s website and read “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want”. Suddenly I realized a deeper value in his teaching and started my speech without the word ‘need’. So far I found out that the word ‘value’ can be a perfect replacement in many instances. Nevertheless I still find my self ‘fishing’ for words that can express the third component of the NVC model.

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Posts:17

01/15/2010 4:56 PM
Hi Maria, I am also searching for words to replace NEED in NVC. "I would prefer" contains 'would' and I think this is a something Robert suggests upgrading. The synonyms for need are: require, calls for wants, necessitates, could do with, have to, must and should. The synonyms for prefer are: choose, desire, fancy, wish, rather, like better, have a preference, favor. If anyone has some ideas about upgrading NEED and using the synonyms without the 'would' I would be grateful for the new language.

Member
Posts:13

01/15/2010 8:50 PM
Beloved Jeanette, Thanks for sharing these synonyms; for me they do not carry the vibration I'm 'fishing for. Most of my NVC conversations are 'internal' and then the word 'claim' works well in my 'musings'. What about "I choose to abide in the vibration of ...." or "When you say/do....., I feel frustrated because it's not in harmony with my choice of ...."? We're making progress! Who's next?

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Posts:22

01/24/2010 6:30 AM
How about saying to yourself that you already have it? I've done this a few times and it felt odd, good. Now I will create a new habit of saying that I have it rather than focusing on the need.

Member
Posts:13

01/28/2010 12:14 AM
Thanks for sharing that suggestion, beloved Pearl33. Yes! I also perceive using 'I already have that specific value in my life' odd and at the same time good! I find myself more and more using the word 'claim' or 'choose', as a 'jump-starter' to activate the feelings that come with the 'having status'.

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