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Last Post 06/22/2011 10:19 AM by  constance
Eckhart Tolle- How to Deal With a Child's "Pain Body"
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05/27/2011 7:23 PM
    I thought this was great advice from Tolle's book, "A New Earth", pages 170-171, on dealing with children and their "pain bodies". I especially like the questions in the third paragraph that Tolle suggests to ask a child after they have had a 'pain body' episode. It's remarkable that this type of questioning can awaken a child to his or her Presence. [When I read 'pain body' I substitute the term 'dweller'. It makes more sense to me.]

    "Parents often wonder how to deal with their child's pain­body. The primary question is, of course, are they dealing with their own? Do they recognize it within themselves? Are they able to stay present enough when it becomes activated so that they can be aware of the emotion on the feeling level before it gets a chance to turn into thinking and thus into an “unhappy person”?

    While the child is having a pain­body attack, there isn't much you can do except to stay present so that you are not drawn into an emotional reaction. The child's pain­body would only feed on it. Pain­bodies can be extremely dramatic. Don't buy into the drama. Don't take it too seriously. If the pain­body was triggered by thwarted wanting, don't give in now to its demands. Otherwise, the child will learn: “The more unhappy I become, the more likely I am to get what I want.” This is a recipe for dysfunction in later life. The pain­body will be frustrated by your nonreaction and may briefly act up even more before it subsides. Fortunately, pain­body episodes in children are usually more short­lived than in adults.

    A little while after it has subsided, or perhaps the next day, you can talk to the child about what happened. But don't tell the child about what happened. Ask questions instead. For example: “What was it that came over you yesterday when you wouldn't stop screaming? Do you remember? What did it feel like? Was it a good feeling? That thing that came over you, does it have a name? No? If it had a name, what would it be called? If you could see it, what would it look like? Can you paint a picture of what it would look like? What happened to it when it went away? Did it go to sleep? Do you think it may come back?”

    These are just a few suggested questions. All these questions are designed to awaken the witnessing faculty in the child, which is Presence. This type of questioning will help the child to dis-identify from the pain­body. You may also want to talk to the child about your own pain­body using the child's terminology. The next time the child gets taken over by the pain­body, you can say, “It's come back, hasn't it?” Use whatever words the child used when you talk about it. Direct the child's attention to what it feels like. Let your attitude be one of interest or curiosity rather than one of criticism or condemnation.

    It is unlikely that this will stop the pain­body in its tracks, and it may appear that the child will not even be hearing you, yet some awareness will remain in the background of the child's consciousness even while the pain­ body is active. After a few times, the awareness will have gown stronger and the pain­body will have weakened. The child is growing in Presence. One day you may find that the child is the one to point out to you that your own pain­body has taken control of you."

    I wonder if this type of observation and questioning would work on an adult to bring awareness of one's dweller if it was done in presence and love?
    Tags: eckhart tolle, painbody, children's painbodies
    constance
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    06/22/2011 10:19 AM
    Lisa, I re read your Post from last May, on a child's pain body which you aptly named 'the dweller'. I was prompted to do this because something came up during the Kuthumi on Kindness darshan related to the management of children having a (pain body/dweller)Issue.I found your post plus the discussion at the Darshan excellent and worthy of filing away for reference in dealing with my grandchildren if a situation arose. Thank you for an insightful post.
    constance welzel
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