Our pastor was teaching Proverbs 16:24: "Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones."
The minister then added, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."
My wife leaned over, put her head on my shoulder, and whispered in my ear, "I just love to watch your muscles ripple when you take out the garbage."
Hmmm, Should I Thin this Paint?
The church was badly in need of a coat of paint. So the pastor decided he'd do the job himself. But all he had was one bucket of paint. So he got a bunch of buckets and some water, and he thinned the paint enough to cover the entire church. Then he spent all day painting. That night it rained—very hard—and washed all the paint off. The pastor was quite discouraged and asked God, 'Why GOD? . . . Why did you let it rain and wash off all my hard work?'
To which God thundered his reply, 'Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!'
Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I pulled into a spot behind a church. It was only after I’d gotten out of the car that I spotted this sign: "No parking. Forgiveness is our business, but don’t make it harder than it already is."