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0 Replies and 99 Views One Liners  99  0 Started by  Dee Stewart Why did the tomato blush Because it saw the salad dressing. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon It had great food, but no atmosphere. What do you call a cheese that’s not yours Nacho cheese! Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France There was nothing left but de Brie. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot A carrot. What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter Patty! Butch: “Which lunch meat tastes like hot dogs” ...
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02/23/2022 1:27 PM
0 Replies and 277 Views Children and Child Birth  277  0 Started by  Dee Stewart The baby was coming way too fast, so the paramedics were called. To make it worse, when they arrived, there was a power outage. The paramedics asked the four year old sister to hold the flashlight for them. Despite the difficulties, all went well, and the mother delivered a baby boy. The paramedic smacked him on the behind and he began to cry. Looking over at the wide-eyed little girl, the paramedic asked her what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She said, 'That naughty boy s...
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02/12/2022 12:41 PM
0 Replies and 72 Views Smart Mom  72  0 Started by  Dee Stewart A mother was walking with her four-year-old daughter one day when the daughter picked up something off the ground and started to put it into her mouth. The mother stopped her and said she shouldn't do that. 'Why,' asked the little girl. 'Because it’s dirty. It's been on the ground. You don't know where it's been. It probably has germs.' The little girl looked up at her mom with admiration and asked, 'How do you know so much' Thinking quickly, the mother said, 'All moms know so much....
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02/12/2022 12:39 PM
0 Replies and 60 Views Florida in July  60  0 Started by  Dee Stewart Hot water comes out of both taps. You find out that a seatbelt buckle makes a pretty nice branding iron. Yes, it gets hot in Florida. But did you know it got this hot The trees are whistling for the dogs. You find out that you can get sunburned through your car window. The birds need to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. You burn your hand opening the car door. The temperature drops below 95 and you put on a sweater. You can make instant sun tea. Shade dete...
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02/12/2022 12:35 PM
0 Replies and 98 Views Stock Market Puns  98  0 Started by  Dee Stewart Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationery. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. ...
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02/05/2022 12:27 PM
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